"FUTURE"
Yesterday is gone
Today is here
Hold you head up high
Cause the world is on your side today
Turn from your old ways
Look for the new days

Things arn't as bad as it seems
Hold your head to the sky
It can all turn around
"Just dont give up" is what I have found
Sometimes you do find ones who care
It cant always be how you want it to be
Dont shut down your heart
Keep going
Keep trying
And open your eyes

Theres more to what people see
Theres more then what people know
Keep living day by day
And dont give up
Falling from your old ways
Running towards the new days
Open your eyes
Keep going
Keep trying
And open your eyes
Sometimes theres ones who do care
Just make the most of what you've got

"GIRL IN MY MIRROR"
I see the girl in my mirror, I feel the pain inside
I see the tears in her eyes
and try to create a smile for her disguise
That smile can one day be true
And maybe I'll laugh and smile
about the things I've been through

I don't wanna fall,
Don't wanna frown,
Faith is what it takes
Believe in yourself
You'll see the difference it makes

I see the girl in my mirror
I let go of the pain inside
I wipe away the tears from her eyes
And chuck away the smile as her disguise
Cause that smile now... is sometimes true
And I'm starting to laugh and smile
About things I've been through
I'm feeling a lot stronger
It's taking a lot
And Its such a hard life test
But my dream is my hearts desires
And now I wanna believe in the best

"WHEN YOU WERE"
When you were slowly dying
I died with you
When you were crying
I cried with you
When you were lost and we couldnt find you anywhere
I was lost
When you nearly lost your life
I lost mine
At four in the morning I couldnt sleep
Because I knew you were out there
In the cold, killing yourself in a daze
It was all too much
I needed to forget everything
You didnt just fall
Our whole family did
And still no one hears my crys
Why cant they see
What all that did to me
They only see you
Cause I'm just the shadow
No one realised at the time
I would have to pretend im fine
So we could help you
Now your better
Everyone is so proud of you
And now I'm the one whos falling
But still no one is calling
We were all there for you
Everyone was helping you
But I'm so alone
Trying to fight this all on my own
I really dont blame you
I know we all have choices
But where are they
Is anyone there
Its not fair
Do they care
I must be nothing

"Ive learnt the hard way to never let it get that far..."
"and now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing" - 'Because of you'

"ALONE"
Alone only just surviving
Having no one really there
They dont care they really dont care
My words go in one ear and out the other
No one can hear me
I'm screaming out for help
All I need is support
Friends are there in the hardest times
Is what I was taught
I dont say my words for the sake of it
I dont just spill them out for no reason
Who do they think I am
Are people really that cruel
They think I'm dumb
But I see what they are doing
Just a fool, A lost cause is what they see
But they wont fool me
Trying so hard not to fail this
I just want to feel free
But really can anybody hear me
I dont understand
I just cant comprehend
Turning deaf ears, is not true friends
Talking about me behind my back
Yeah go on, get up to date with all the facts
They are really heartless
And obviously cant see
How hard all this is for me
I dont want to be there
And they dont want me there
Because they dont care
They just push me to the floor
It's like they want me out that door
It doesnt matter how hard I try
I'm all alone anyway
I'm trying not to cry
I'm more then what they make me out to be
I am so sick of this
Is anybody proud of me:(

"NOTHING"
Brushed aside like im a nobody I'm falling to the ground
But I dont make a sound.They see right through me
I have no one. It is hard. It's so hard
But they dont see it

I wanna run away and never come back
Maybe they will see me then.
I mean nothing to everyone.I have nothing left
I am nothing

If I leave no one will notice me gone
It wont matter to anyone.
I am worthless.I thought actions speak louder then words
It's all words.

I have no one and I'm afraid.Just all my fear
Pushed around and knocked to the ground
And then they wonder why I look so sad
But they arnt there for me.No ones there

Whats someone meant to do when they are liturally alone
Alone trying to make it through
They think I'm ok I'm not ok I'm not ok
Cant they see

I'm just floating around waiting to be found
I am insignificant I just dont matter to anyone
I'm unimportant I mean nothing
Whats wrong with me

Why is it me who is nothing
All the time
I'm screaming out
They arnt listening
It means nothing to them

They see right through me
Why
They brush me aside like im nothing
Then they ask whats wrong
After I just tried to tell them
I'm not ok

Can anybody hear me

"I believed God would make it ok"
July/07

Staring into nothing
Like I'm not even here
Forgetting I'm living
Forgetting all the fear
It can only last a little while
and then reality comes back
Stabbing me like a thousands knifes
Going through my back

Wondering
..why do I feel all this everyday?
..will it ever go away?
..why cant I control this pain?
..does anyone else feel the same?
Inside is nothing but [sad]
I never thought it would get this bad

When you walked away
I literally couldnt face a day
So I killed myself on the outside
Because inside had died
You washed away a big part of me
It's my unheard trauma
Why cant anyone see?

I quit my life when you gave up on me
I never expected this to be
Still it stays locked up in my head
Because it's something I cannot handle
Something I dread
I wont let myself believe that you are gone
You promised me heart to heart
But it's been so long

But the pain is now buried deep down
I cant think about it anymore
The denial goes round and round
Its been so hard without you
But it's even harder knowing
You wouldn't even care about
The hell it put me through

I just cant comprehend
How this can be so easy for you to step out of
Was I not good enough to be a friend?

I never even heard anything from you
When you told me not to contact you
You said you promised you will contact me
So to never worry because [you will be back]
[and we could be friends again...a promise]
Because God [our Father]
Would never do that to me

[YOU SAID THAT!!]

What you said kept me going
Like I could make this to the end
It was the only thing that kept me going
Because I thought we were going to be ok
Because I trusted you
Because I believed you
You wouldnt say that
If it wasnt the truth

You promised 'only for a little while'
While I remember crying and saying
..But what if its 2 months ??
..And then 3 months..
..And then 1 year ??
But you said
'I promise you God wouldnt let that happen'
You lied
And I cried and cried..
But I knew it was going to be ok
Because God was going to make it ok
I thought you were telling the truth

I trusted you [instead of trusting myself!]

I believed you [instead of believing myself!]

I thought it was going to be ok
I thought God would never let this happen?
[you lied to me... cant you even see?]
It doesn't make sense to me

Why
Was that even you?
Do you remember me?

Staring into nothing
Like I'm not even here
Forgetting I'm living
Forgetting all the fear
It can only last a little while
And then reality comes back
Stabbing me like a thousands knifes
Going through my back
I dont even want u to read this
but i'll always wonder why

(The song "Because of you" helped me get that out and write it)
"Because of you I find it hard to trust [not only me] but everyone around me, Because of you [I am afraid]..
-I was so young you should have known better then to lean on me
-Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
-Because of you I duno how to let anyone else in"